Funny Retirement Quotes

Welcome to Funny Retirement Quotes, the web page that brings you free to use sayings and messages to use on the occasion of a retirement, perhaps in a speech or a congratulations greetings card. These are about life or any other subject that are motivational, meaningful and memorable, which are good or bad or great, the best or the worst, funny and hilarious, sad, cute or cool, stupid, dumb or crazy, outrageous or inspiring

In retirement pretend to the young 'uns that it is a rejection, like being thrown on to the scrap-heap, while inside, regard it as a prolonged holiday

**

Retirement spoils weekends and public holidays.

**

Confucius said "Choose a work that you love and you won't have to work another day." But doesn't that ruin retirement?

**

Retirement - Wheels are still spinning, but the hampster's slowing down.

**

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off and public holidays just cause crowds

**

Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.

Funny Retirement Quotes

If folk really concentrated on the important things in life, there would be a shortage of fishing rods, golf clubs, empty tables at countryside restaurants which would be disastrous for us retirees

**

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. Mind you, at your age, getting back to your feet is a bit of a chore

**

In retirement, there's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

**

As a retired husband you've just become your wife's full-time job.

**

"In retirement you should be recycled for public service work, with your company footing the bill. The World can no longer afford to scrap-pile people." What utter twaddle...enjoy life on the scrap pile, buddy

Funny Retirement Quotes

Don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark. Samuel Johnson

**

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns

**

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez

**

Golf is played, Worldwide, by retirees whose wives think they are out having fun.

**

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements

**

Aren't you glad you stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

**

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left. Voltaire

Funny Retirement Quotes

When you retired and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, I do hope your colleagues didn't present you with a watch.

**

Now half your life is spent trying to find something to do with the time you have rushed through life trying to save.

**

You know you're retired when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

**

Don't feel old. Don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for you to take a nap. Isn't retirement a blast?

**

Don't plan to grow old gracefully. Plan to have face-lifts until your ears meet.

**

Apart from the occasional heart attack you'll probably feel as young as you ever did.

**

You did the best thing. You started thinking about your retirement before your boss did.

**

God's retirement plan is out of this world. So may your retirement be long and happy

**

Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does

**

Old enough to retire. Young enough to enjoy it.

**

The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money.

**

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

**

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. Then you retire and the world gets better, but relatively more expensive

**

The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work. Gilbert K. Chesterton

**

Aren't you glad you put off being young until now, as you retire.

**

You can be young without money but you can’t be retired without it.

**

It is better to live rich than to die rich. Samuel Johnson

Funny Retirement Quotes

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off

**

Retired: You were tired yesterday and you're tired again today.

**

It's true. There really is life after retirement.

**

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it

More Funny Retirement Quotes at www.poem-poetry.com/retirement-poems